For a variety of reasons (money, time, unrelenting sense of “never enough” productivity) I recently stopped into a nail salon to get a very basic, quick manicure. At just $15, it barely matched the amount I’d normally leave for a TIP on my standard services – gel mani, pedi, eyebrows.

As she was doing the manicure portion I realized I felt super weirdly relaxed. Enter foreboding joy – something was missing, I must’ve forgotten something, messed something up. Then I realized I had never “picked my color,” something that’s always fun but causes significant strife for me, especially for gel nails because they are essentially permanent and then you are trapped in ten tiny nail shaped jail cells for 2-3 weeks, lest you pick them off yourself.

I thought to myself, wow – imagine the feeling of always just getting clear coat. Forever walking in, breezing past all the colors and having the confidence in your choice because it’s tried and true. You wouldn’t be looking longingly at the color rack because – well, that simply isn’t your style, it isn’t what you do. You’re a clear coat girl. Excuse me hello pardon me no thanks, I’m a clear coat girl.

This feels a lot like deciding not to drink anymore, or really just coming to the realization that drinking isn’t for me anymore. I am over the pastels and glitter and cover-ups of this world, I just want what’s tried and true – I want the clear coat of a happy, carefree life. I want to breeze into and through every party and say “no thanks, I don’t want that” and just carry on. I don’t feel like something is missing because that “something” isn’t something I want or desire for these days.

Also see:

This Naked Mind – Episode 72, “Reader Question – Did you quit forever?”

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